Hermione! Hermione! Hermione! Hermione!
Draco made me unhappy
Now Ron's burping slugs for me
I'm essential to the plot
How unfortunate, you're not
Viktor Krum is in love with me
Watch Ron go mad with jealousy!

Basilisks are after me
Studying keeps me happy
I don't want to be a dentist
But a sorcerer's apprentice
I'm a wiz at wizardry
I'm a teenage Hermione!

REPEAT